(Musings) The Brothers Karamazov
I’m not sure I really get this book yet, so I won’t go into detail, I need another re-read (or 10), but Father Zosima’s words in the second chapter grabbed my attention:
“Above all, don’t lie to yourself. The man who lies to himself and listens to his own lie comes to such a pass that he cannot distinguish the truth within him, or around him, and so loses all respect for himself and for others. And having no respect he ceases to love. And in order to occupy and distract himself without love he gives way to passions and coarse pleasures, and sinks to bestiality in his vices, all from continual lying to other men and to himself.
The man who lies to himself can be more easily offended than anyone. You know it is sometimes very pleasant to take offense, isn’t it? A man knows that nobody has insulted him, but that he has invented the insult for himself, has lied and exaggerated to make it picturesque, has caught at a word and made a mountain out of a molehill—he knows that himself, yet he will be the first to take offense, will revel in his sense of being offended, and will go on to hate and feel great pleasure in it, and so pass to real hostility.”
What stood out to me is how easy it is to say we’ve “let go” of something, but really we only did it on the surface. Physically we walked away, but inside it’s still alive and holding on. That’s what makes repentance hard. It’s not just about dropping the action, it’s about pulling out the root. Otherwise we just lie to ourselves, and it comes in living half truths (maybe saying fractional truths is more true).
This circles back to that opening line: “Above all, don’t lie to yourself.” Scripture says the same thing — “If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us” (1 John 1:8). Real repentance is letting God dig up what has been in hiding. Without that, love dries up. But when the root gets pulled out, there’s room again for unfiltered truth, genuine God rooted love, and true freedom.
“Every plant that my heavenly Father has not planted will be pulled up by the roots” (Matthew 15:13).