(Life) Grass is greener where you water it
Published: 2024-07-20
The saying “the grass is greener on the other side” often shows a natural human tendency to seek novelty, a perception of things as better, simply because we don’t have it. It’s a fun description of the mind’s constant search for what it lacks. You see it and hear it all the time in your life: career, relationships, or faith. More often than not, I’ve hated it because it doesn’t offer much except for explaining your state of being and not what to do with that from that point on. It can be a mindset that can lead us into the trap of dissatisfaction, believing we’re slaves to the idea that something else, somewhere else, will bring the fulfillment we’re chasing.
A more grounded perspective I prefer is found in the idea that “the grass is greener where you water it.” Instead of constantly looking outside ourselves, it suggests that growth and being content come from focusing on and nurturing what we already have.
The quote from Rubem Alves (or I’ve seen it attributed to him online), “The secret is not to chase the butterflies… It’s to take care of the garden so that they come to you,” beautifully captures this shift in mindset. It reminds us that what we value, in faith, careers, or relationships, requires attention and care. When we tend to our own “garden,” it flourishes in ways we may not have expected.
It’s important to be mindful of where we focus our energy. Not all soil is worth watering—if we invest in areas that are toxic or unproductive, we may find ourselves bearing the wrong fruit. Fruits that can poison or hinder us.
It’s fascinating how these patterns can manifest physically and emotionally. I call it dopamine deception. A little coffee for energy can spiral into constant reliance, a single cigarette for a buzz can lead to addiction, and social media for a quick escape can evolve into a dopamine-driven dependency. I said dopamine driven, but it’s helpful to look at it as dopamine deception. These things don’t define us, though. Often, we’re victims of circumstance, lacking the right wisdom or outlet—whatever “right” might mean.
Research into smoking / vape addiction highlights this as well. While the physical dependency on nicotine can fade within 3-7 days, the psychological grip takes weeks or even months for the brain to fully grasp that it doesn’t need it. One common fear is people think it helps with their anxiety when all the science posts to otherwise. The rush of anxiety people receive when trying to quit is because they’ve basically convinced their bodies it’s as essential as water. A cycle fueled by chemicals, stresses, and self-convincing—a situation where the walls are easy to build but painfully hard to tear down. It’s possible, but it requires quite a lot of mental strength.
No need to give these issues more power than they deserve, though. Every human, at some point in life, will face not just one but many moments caught in similar cycles. Just as the right care can nurture something beautiful, neglecting or misdirecting our attention can be frustrating. And let’s be honest: we’re not perfect. We’ll find ourselves misplacing our focus. The key though, is to get up over and over again. There will be a day and time you get up one last time and fully overcome that challenge. Re-focus, reset, and tend to the right things. You have to, sometimes repeatedly, otherwise, you risk digging yourself deeper into a hole.
Growth is rarely linear, and we must be willing to recalibrate when needed. In the end, the richness we seek doesn’t come from chasing what we don’t have, but a lot of times from being patient and deliberate, nurturing what’s already in front us.
Be gentle and kind with yourself on this, you are probably more harsh than you need to be already. The world is already harsh. Practice to improve, not to be perfect. You most likely won’t be.
Galatians 6:7-9