There’s something freeing about having fewer expectations.
I don’t mean having no hopes or plans for anything. More that expectations can quietly trap us. We decide how something should go, and then we end up experiencing everything through the gap between what actually happened and what we had already imagined.
When I can let go of that a little, I think I’m more present. And I believe a lot of times that’s where the real opportunity for understanding happens…more often than not in ways we couldn’t have planned.
Arguing with reality
I’ve noticed this especially when I’m frustrated. I have a tendency to tire myself out fighting something in my head. Replaying what happened, thinking about what should have happened instead, getting annoyed that I can’t change it. This can happen in professional situations, personal life, etc.
Sometimes it helps to ask myself, “How am I responding to this?”
It becomes less about control…because there are obviously a lot of things we just can’t control…and more about actually being present in front of the problem. The problem is still there and I’m just looking at the problem now instead of arguing with reality about the fact that it exists. In those moments, I’d like to think we end up learning a little more about our own nature too.
Bad posture
At the root of it, I think a lot of our lives isn’t purely the obstacles we face. It’s our relationship to them. How we react, what we take from them, and how we move forward.
I think expectations can train us in strange ways too. Sort of like bad posture…that’s what I mean when I think of “bad muscles.” You don’t notice it happening at first, but stay in the position long enough and eventually it starts shaping you.
If I keep expecting circumstances, people, or even myself to behave exactly the way I imagined, I can start depending on those expectations for comfort. Then when reality doesn’t cooperate, I’m not only dealing with whatever happened. I’m also dealing with the collapse of this whole version of events I had already built in my head.
Holding things a little more loosely
There’s probably a balance here though. I don’t think the answer is to become detached from everything or stop wanting things. I still make plans and I still hope certain things work out and I still get disappointed when they don’t.
But I’m trying to hold those things a little more loosely.
Because when I do, the world becomes less about what’s wrong and more about what’s possible. You’re no longer filling every situation with assumptions about what it was supposed to be, you can actually meet it for what it is.
And I don’t mean that in some corny “just believe in yourself” type of way. More from the point of view of actually being present. See what’s in front of you, what you can do with it. Adjust as you go.
Concluding notes
Things don’t always fall into place in the way I planned…and sometimes they don’t make sense to me at all if I’m being honest. I pray and hope to become a person who can navigate this world of ours.